Break free from anxiety and depression made by others! Even by sects.
In 1992, I came into a sect that was the beginning to my breakdown and serious problems with anxiety and depression.
In the beginning, everything looked nice in this sect. The people there showed me so much love that I was convinced that they had the “one truth”!
They used the Bible to show that I had to give away everything that could come between me and God, (in fact, everything that made my life worth living!) I had to give away my family; friends were forbidden, forbidden to enjoy food for real and so on. One of these sacrifices was my love for piano music. I was not allowed to play the piano for several years! I had to give away everything that made my life good! I felt more and more alone.
And I felt that God hated me. It was a lot of focus on that God is judging us and that it is very, very easy to come to hell. Even if I “do the best I can” to be a “right” Christian.
In 2000, I was mentally broken down. I was so depressed, and my life was so filled with anxiety that I did not want to live anymore. I felt so alone. God felt far away and against me. I believed I would come to hell, was terribly afraid demons, had no friends, and I should not be attached to my family.
But I did something important at that time: I went to therapists, and they helped me a lot. Three times I was in a mental hospital, and I got a lot of help during many years. Step by step I felt better and better. Today I still feel some anxiety and some depression, but it is much better now.
I started to take back all the things I did loose in the sect. Family, friends and so on. In 2013, I had four talk shows in Norway, telling about my history in a sect. It was full-booked. Newspapers and TV was very interested and shared my story.
Also, I took back the piano music! I started to play and make my own music again. The pain I experienced I put into my music! I wanted to express it, wanted to express hope and longing. November 2013 I made an album on iTunes “Waiting for Better Days” and a music video to it. Everything is self-made, and it is a good feeling to see that I can manage in some areas of life again.
I want to inspire others with mental health problems that there is hope. Tell them that it is therapy for me, to make music. Hopefully my story can encourage others to break free if they are in a sect like the one I where in. You can listen to my music on the page “Music as Therapy“. If you like what you hear more, go to “Waiting for Better Days” on iTunes? Feel free to share to people you think might like it, or even need music like mine.
-Jon Harald Gjesdal