Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and BPD http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com Demystifying myths around Mental Health problems like Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression), Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder Fri, 19 Dec 2014 11:41:22 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1 What NOT to Say to a Bipolar Personhttp://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/not-say-bipolar-person/ http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/not-say-bipolar-person/#comments Thu, 18 Dec 2014 13:03:23 +0000 http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/?p=6670 Stupid things said to people with bipolar disorder Bipolar Disorder has become a bit more recognized lately, most likely due to the “coming out” of celebrities with outrageous behavior.  This has been good in raising awareness about bipolarity somewhat, but it has been bad because a lot of people think they know all about it. […]

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Stupid things said to people with bipolar disorder

Bipolar Disorder has become a bit more recognized lately, most likely due to the “coming out” of celebrities with outrageous behavior.  This has been good in raising awareness about bipolarity somewhat, but it has been bad because a lot of people think they know all about it.

In addition to not completely eradicating the stigma – it is also highly annoying when someone says something mean, wrong, funny, or even just plain stupid about bipolar disorder.  If you aren’t bipolar – don’t give advice to people who are.  Here are some of the things you should not do:

Don’t try to “join in”

Soo DepressedDon’t try to tell me you “know how I feel”.  Don’t relate your stories about how you were soooo depressed when your dog died.  Don’t try to tell me about how bad your insomnia is.  Don’t try to tell me about how you seriously almost destroyed a poster once or how embarrassed you were when…. Don’t.  Unless you are bipolar, you cannot understand the depression, the agitation, the anxiety.  I can understand that you want to show concern and make me feel “normal” but don’t.

Don’t tell me I should do better

Don’t tell me I can fix this.  Don’t tell me that I brought this on myself.  Don’t tell me to try harder.  Don’t tell me that it could be worse.  Don’t tell me that only religion can make me better.  I am doing the best I can; I didn’t want this disease, and frankly, I don’t want to hear it.

Don’t minimize

Don’t tell me to “snap out of it” or “get off my ass.”  Don’t give me platitudes like “this too shall pass” or “cheer up.”  Don’t tell me Not to Bipolar People“tomorrow will be better” or “everyone has a bad day sometimes.”  My disease, my experience is as bad as it is.  You can’t make it go away by acting cheerful or sympathetic.

Don’t try to shame me into being better

Don’t tell me that I am a real downer or that I am “dragging you down.”  Don’t tell me all about my bad behavior and how being around me is so painful – like “walking on eggshells.”  Don’t tell me about life not being fun…I already know.  If you don’t like it, it would be better if you just leave.

Don’t blame every disagreement on my disease

Don’t say anything about bipolar “shit” in the middle of an argument.  Just because I am angry doesn’t mean I am off my meds.  It doesn’t mean I am crazy.  Using my illness to win an argument is just plain wrong.  I have a right to be angry sometimes, and sometimes I am.

These are just a few things you should not do.  We have a lot of rules – some of which change just like us.

Happy Day!

Melissa Lind

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Is it Antisocial Personality Disorder?http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/is-it-antisocial-personality-disorder/ http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/is-it-antisocial-personality-disorder/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 08:54:32 +0000 http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/?p=6626 Some teenagers act as if they have antisocial personality disorder I once knew a family with a son who was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.  The “kid” had grown up in a wealthy subdivision with a father who was a former professional athlete.  The “kid” had everything that most “kids” would want.  In high school, […]

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Some teenagers act as if they have antisocial personality disorder

I once knew a family with a son who was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.  The “kid” had grown up in a wealthy subdivision with a father who was a former professional athlete.  The “kid” had everything that most “kids” would want.  In high school, he had a brand new car that he immediately totaled after a party.  He was in trouble with the law several times during high school.

When his father tried to put his foot down, his mother took the “kid’s” side.  She thought he would grow out of it.  Others said that his behavior was the result of “privilege”, which certainly didn’t help, but it is clear that not every wealthy kid is a spoiled brat – and a dangerous one at that.

Antisocial Personality DisorderRather than using his position and financial ability to go to college and earn a degree, he started doing drugs and got kicked out.  He was sent to a famous rehabilitation center where as soon as he “dried out”, he beat up a staff member and was thrown out.  He went home and beat up his girlfriend, but his mother hired the most expensive lawyer available, and he was given probation.  He was arrested with a sizeable amount of drugs – and again was bailed out by his mother.

This went on for a number of years – but the teenage behavior never stopped.  He finally exhausted the judge’s leniency and ended up in a state penitentiary.  Each time, he blamed his behavior on someone else.  He wouldn’t have gotten drunk if he hadn’t been so mad, he wouldn’t have beaten his girlfriend if she had just done what he said….and on and on.  This “kid” was 35 by the time he went to prison, but he never understood what he had done wrong.  It was still someone else’s fault.

When someone is disagreeable, people will often say “He is anti-social.”  What they are referring to is an actual psychiatric diagnosis, Antisocial Personality Disorder, but just because someone is disagreeable or even downright rude doesn’t mean they have the condition.

A personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of behavior that is not “acceptable” by cultural standards.  It is readily seen as abnormal behavior and usually starts in adolescence or early adulthood.  In order to qualify as a “disorder”, it must lead to personal distress or impairment.

Antisocial personality disorder cannot be diagnosed until the age of 18 because many of the “symptoms” seem like typical teenage behavior.  It is characterized by disregarding and violating the rights of other people.  Many teenagers act as if they have antisocial personality disorder – but they don’t.  In addition, in order to be labeled as “antisocial“, there must have been some conduct disorder symptoms before age 15 – or the time kids are often worst as teenagers.

Ashamed of Mental Health StigmasThings that kids do or say during the teen years, don’t count.

A person with antisocial personality disorder has a general disdain for the rights of other people and may violate those rights on a routine basis.  They may be charming, but ruthless and are likely to be irresponsible, irritable, and aggressive.  They are also likely to be in legal trouble and likely to abuse drugs or alcohol.

Antisocial Personality disorder also comes in a range of severity.  A person with mild antisocial personality disorder could be compared to a teenager who continuously borrows her mother’s jewelry when she has been told not to.  This would not be completely out of the norm in some teen girls, but in adults, it may indicate pathology.

People with more dangerous or harmful behavior are referred to as sociopaths or even psychopathsSociopaths have even less regard for someone else’s rights or property and may not even feel the need to argue if confronted – acting like a schoolyard bully.  Psychopaths are said to have a complete lack of conscience and are unable to recognize the violation and do not have the ability to empathize – something like “The Joker” in Batman.

People with antisocial behavior patterns are also extremely manipulative and splendid liars.  It is hard to tell what is true and what is not true.  They may appear to be friendly when they want something, or they may attempt suicide when they want something else.  It is a fine line to walk, whether to believe them or not.

Unfortunately, personality disorders are not something that can be changed through medication.  In this case, it is a failure of conscience, and there is no pill for that.  In some cases, therapy can work but the therapist must be very skilled in order to avoid being manipulated themselves.

Melissa Lind

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Bipolar Disorder and Facebook – To Tell or Not to Tellhttp://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/bipolar-disorder-and-facebook/ http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/bipolar-disorder-and-facebook/#comments Wed, 03 Dec 2014 10:35:14 +0000 http://bipolardisorderdepressionanxiety.com/?p=6529 To Tell or Not to Tell – Bipolar Disorder on social media I am an avid Facebook user.  Mostly I use it to amuse myself, keep up with old friends, get to know people who should be old friends but weren’t, update family on my kids and such… But, I also enjoy reading “pages” … […]

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To Tell or Not to Tell – Bipolar Disorder on social media

I am an avid Facebook user.  Mostly I use it to amuse myself, keep up with old friends, get to know people who should be old friends but weren’t, update family on my kids and such… But, I also enjoy reading “pages” … pages about funny things and pages about serious things that only “we” understand are funny.  I am talking about bipolar” pages.

Facebook - Like PagesBecause Facebook lists updates of what pages you have “liked”, my relatives, who know I am bipolar, have been able to see that I am not keeping my disorder as a big secret from my social group.  Most everyone who is on my Facebook page already knows (or would guess) that I have bipolar disorder.  To them, it is not a big deal, it is just part of who I am, and in some ways actually explains part of who I am – manic-depressive, why I am the way that I am.

I bring this up because one of my “relatives” actually sent me an email “warning” me that I should “be careful” about what pages I frequent, referring to the bipolar pages.

That was one bit of unwelcome advice.  Another bit of advice might be to “unfriend” him or hide my activity from him.  I am NOT Bipolar - I have Bipolar DisorderHe is a close relative so “unfriending” him might cause problems.  I could hide my activity but have made a personal policy that if you are my “friend” then you can see my page.  I haven’t taken advantage of the “close friends”, “friends”, “acquaintances” – feature of Facebook – but then I don’t let anyone on my page unless they are actually someone I know.

The last bit of advice would be to ignore him.  Luckily, he is such a close relative that I have made a practice of ignoring his advice, as a child would ignore a parent.  I did just that – ignore him.

This situation was easy for me to solve under these particular circumstances but can be a lot of trickier.  I also belong to bipolar pages on LinkedIn, Google+ and other sites, and I sometimes wonder about the impact.  Fortunately, I happen to be a writer, and I am not in a situation where an employer (or potential employer) can make an objection to my diagnosis.

For others that are not the case – and it was not always the case for me.  There is still a huge stigma against bipolar disorder.  Technically, making an employment decision based on a mental diagnosis is illegal – it is against the ADA.

Technically, the employer could be in trouble for violation of federal law, but how many times do employers say outright” “I am not hiring you because…(insert problem here)”?  Likely they will not say anything – they just won’t hire you.  In some states, they can fire you for no reason (“at-will” employment states) or “not-for-cause”.

Technically, they should not hold this against you – if you are stable, and if you remain stable.  The question is – will you?  Hopefully, I will, but I can’t guarantee that.

Bipolar BearsIf I were looking for a job – a “real” job, I would seriously consider curtailing my social media and public announcements of “I am bipolar“.  As a writer – I shouldn’t do that, and I don’t.

You have to evaluate your particular situation.  Know that it is against the law to be discriminated against.  Know your history and likelihood that you will remain stable in your bipolar disorder and be able to do your job.  Decide whether a legal fight is worth it to you.  It may be; it might not be.  Decide whether you really want to work for someone who will hunt you down and discriminate against you based on the information they find.

For me, I am happy not being in a “real job “.  The same relative, full of warnings, is not happy about my lack of “real” employment – but I can just ignore him.  Either way, I am still Bipolar.

Melissa Lind

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