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childhood abandonment

So What Causes Borderline Personality Disorder?

Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder

What is Borderline Personality DisorderWell, the official answer is “who the hell knows?”  However, there are a number of contributing factors.  Biology may be a part of it, but the big part seems to be childhood trauma. So, let me tell you about my childhood.

As a child, I was both sickly and smart, a combo that naturally lends itself to the receiving end of bullying.  And from kindergarten to 8th grade, it was a daily occurrence.  It took getting my growth spurt and shooting up to over six feet tall to stop that.  Of course, snapping and dragging a linebacker across the top of a chain-link fence was the real reason it stopped.  Whole lot of stiches involved when that happens.

“Don’t mess with Bruce!  He’s CRAZY!”

See kids?  Crazy can be a good label sometimes.

So did the bullying cause it?  Who knows?  But it certainly didn’t help.
Neither did “losing my virginity” at the age of nine, but that was a fairly short term thing and could’ve been chalked up to childhood experimentation, if it weren’t for the fact that I was nine and she was fifteen.  A lot of guys would just call that “lucky,” but I’m pretty sure the law calls it “sexual abuse.”

So did that cause it?  Who knows?  But it probably didn’t help, either.

Probably the most major culprit – and something people with Borderline Personality Disorder all seem to have in common – is childhood abandonment, or at least perceived abandonment.

We may have had a parent disappear from our lives at an early age.  We may have had a caregiver who was just never around.  I’m pretty sure that with me, it was because when I became “unmanageable” and rambunctious as a child, my mother would grow frustrated with me and say things like “I can’t handle you anymore!  I’m just gonna run away from home and never come back.”

She never did, of course, but at the age of five, I believed her.  And her getting in the car and starting it up without me (“If you don’t hurry up, I’m just gonna leave you here!  You’re making me late to work!”), well… that set the whole “run away from home” thing in concrete in my developing brain.

Now, is that what caused it?  Who knows? But it certainly didn’t help matters, and now any time any woman leaves me, regardless of whether we were right for each other or not, my initial reaction is one of abject terror.

Sigmund Freud - your momIf you’re reading this, Mom, I’m sorry.  I love you.  And I forgive you.  I knew and loved your mother, too.  You just passed it down the line.  You didn’t know any better.

But anyway… I’m not gonna pull a Sigmund Freud and say “blame it all on your mother,” because that may or may not be the case.  But something in your childhood probably set this off for you.

But in my next article, you’ll get some really shocking news.

Your brother in arms,

Bruce

Read more from Bruce Anderson here: How I Became the Freak in the Corner

It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar – I have Borderline Personality Disorder

You Mean I’m NOT Bipolar?

It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar

Hello again, boys and girls!  I’m back, and I’ve got some news.  Take a look at the title of this article again and I’ll give you three guesses.

That’s right.  It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar.  Oh, don’t worry.  I’m still as crazy as I always was, and it’s the same kind of crazy, but different.
What do I mean by that?  Well, I still play on the old mood swing set – back and forth, back and forth – but it turns out that it’s not due to brain chemistry.  It’s just who I am.

Borderline Personality Disorder - Eternal ConflictYou want something to be depressed about?  Well, there you go.  Being told that my issues aren’t something that a couple of little pills each day can “fix,” being told that recovery is going to be a long, hard, and lonely road… well, that’s a much harder pill to swallow.

Thinking back, I can see why it was so easy to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder.  I had the high highs and the low lows, but here’s the major difference: when I have a mood swing, there is ALWAYS a reason.  I’m never just sitting around, happy as a clam, then BOOM!  Here comes the despair.  It was always some event, or some lack of event, that set the old swing in motion.

If you’re bipolar, circumstances don’t always change the mood, though the mood can certainly change the circumstances.  Not for me.
Always a reason.  Sometimes, a legitimate one, but not always.  Sometimes, I make the reason.  If you’re Bipolar, the mood swings just happen.

That’s not the case with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Eww… just the sound of it is bad.  Personality disorder.  The words slip from the tongue like a big, fat slug.  It’s not chemistry.  It’s who I am.  There’s not a problem with my brain, but a problem with me as a person.  Talk about depressing.

But when you get right down to it, it’s all still faulty wiring.  It’s just that my wiring wasn’t messed up by God, it was messed up by other people.  It wasn’t messed up at birth, but shortly thereafter.

Well… the jury is still out on what causes Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
There may be a genetic component, but most likely, it’s caused by some childhood trauma.  And trust me, I’ve got plenty. We’ll talk about that next time.

Your brother in arms,

Bruce

Read more from Bruce Anderson here: How I Became the Freak in the Corner

(A page that tells his story from the beginning and has links to several of his articles)

More about BPD here: Borderline Videos”