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diagnosed bipolar

Bipolar Through the Years – Getting Your Diagnosis Right

Difficult to diagnose Bipolar Disorder?

I am not bipolar!  I am (insert other diagnosis here)

I received my first bipolar diagnosis when I was about 30… ish minus a few years.  I am 40… ish plus a few years, so for most of All About Bipolar Disorder20 years (yes I know the math doesn’t work out but this is a true story), I have known that I have Bipolar Disorder.

If you are bipolar yourself you will know that when I say “I have known” it really means “I was told”.  I didn’t believe it at first.  I thought of every other thing it might be and tried really hard to convince the therapist “that isn’t me… not really”.

As an untreated, newly diagnosed bipolar, I felt compelled to express clear objections to specific parts of the diagnosis that did not fit.  I was trapped by the details… a problem which I have often suffered – or more like, caused others to suffer because of.

Over the years and through several different diagnoses and many periods of “those” risky behaviors, going on and off various meds, wrecking certain parts of my life – and recovering once again, I find that those details don’t matter anymore.

I used to have a vitriolic reaction to the suggestion that I should want to be “normal”.  NORMAL, I said… I don’t want to be Bipolar TherapyNORMAL.  Normal is boring.  I was many things but boring was not one of them.

I no longer have that reaction.  My life would have been easier if it were normal.  I would have missed all the bright, scribbly colors.  I would have missed all the scary but fun stuff… but then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so tired.  Maybe I wouldn’t have had to shut the curtains and hibernate.  Maybe I would have missed all the scary and dark stuff.

Anyway – as usual, I veer off of my topic.  Today, I am 99 percent sure that I am bipolar but I do reserve that remaining 1 percent – just in case.

Over those years – starting before (way before) I was diagnosed as bipolar – I sought treatment.  At 14, I asked my parents to take me to a psychiatrist because there was “something wrong with my brain.” They said “no, there isn’t” effectively telling me that I was just a mouthy, disgruntled, histrionic teenager – which I was, but I was also bipolar.

I often wonder what might have been if I had been treated then and do watch my kids for the same occurrence.  Unfortunately at that time, a proper diagnosis was highly unlikely and probably wouldn’t have changed much.  Except I would have felt heard – and I didn’t.  I do try to hear my kids.

Once I was able to seek treatment for myself, I was diagnosed with several other things long before they hit the jackpot.  The first was “dysthymia” – oddly, this diagnosis came in the middle of a severe depression.

Dysthymia for a bipolar

I was in college, just a hair short of being suicidal, and had to sit down one day and decide if I was going to kill myself – or study.  Serious DoctorLacking concrete plans and lacking a sincere wish to die, I decided to study – but I did go to the student health center the next day where a kindly graduate student decided I was dysthymic and would benefit from group therapy.  Being the mixed-manic that I am, I was in a temporary state of “not so bad” and failed to mention the depth of my despair.

I went to group therapy with a bunch of whining college kids and two well-meaning graduate student supervisors for almost a year.  To be fair, some of these people may have had real problems.  A homosexual boy who was still “in the closet”, a secret cross-dresser, a bulimic, a giant athlete with a sever anger issue and mommy problems… and a couple of other whiners.

I never once mentioned that I was hallucinating at night… or that I couldn’t keep my thoughts going in a straight line….or that I was living in a dark grey fog… or that despite all this, I still wasn’t sleeping.  My dysthymic self simply whined away with the others about parents, childhood, professors…it may have kept me from killing myself but mostly it was just entertainment.  It also kept me from failing out of college, as the dean of my college was informed that I was “in counseling”.

Major Depression for a bipolar

When I finally admitted the hallucinations – that got some real attention.  It also got the notice of a physician – and her medical Medical Doctorstudent who proceeded to ask me stupid questions like “how much LSD have you done?”  I also got a very “fun” visit to a sleep clinic — where the results were inconsequential even though my case was examined by a neuropsychiatrist – or a psychiatric neurologist – whatever that is.

Still, I got the diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder… I still wasn’t sleeping – and people were literally terrified of me.  Describing me as agitated would be like saying the Niagra River is a stream.  Major Depressive Disorder.  They did give me meds though, stopped the hallucinations and got rid of all that grey fog and I managed to finish college.

Codependent for a bipolar

Moving on a few years on and off antidepressants and anxiety medicines – never feeling right….risky this, risky that….institutionalization (not jail or at least not this time, but still…).  After a particular disturbance, one “therapist” told me I was “codependent”… little did he know how dependent I was…or on what.  I ignored him.

The “intensive treatment” did get me the diagnosis for bipolar disorder which I denied, and did so for many years.  On and off meds, risky this, risky that…back on meds…off…on.

ADHD for a bipolar

A few years later I was pregnant (married too, woo hoo) and had to go off the meds.  After I had my kids – the doctor that I saw said that I was ADHD – not bipolar.  Still not wanting to be bipolar, I took the prescription he gave me….which was of course an amphetamine.  Well that worked well – nuf said.  To be sure, my kids are fine.

Bipolar HeartbeatEventually, I came to reality and the bipolar diagnosis and back to the right meds.   This has required honesty.  Honesty with health professionals and honesty with myself and it requires taking my meds.  I am tired from all the bright squiggles and the darkness.  I do want to be normal.

Now, as a bipolar, I get to watch my kids and see if they have “it” or something else.  Either is scary, both are scary but I hope I will be more help than my parents were.  I still take my meds but I also still retain the right to act on the 1 percent in case something better than bipolar disorder comes up.

Living with Someone Who is Bipolar

Living with someone who has Bipolar Disorder can be difficult

Living with Bipolar DisorderI try (like many others I am sure) to keep Bipolar Disorder from wrecking my family.  I don’t always succeed.  In a lot of cases, it comes down to taking my medication on a regular basis (which historically I have not always done).  Even at the best of times, living with someone who has Bipolar Disorder can be difficult.  In some ways, it is probably harder to live with someone who is Bipolar than it is to be Bipolar yourself.

Having Bipolar disorder is just part of who I am.  It isn’t “good”, it isn’t “bad”, – it just “is”.  There are good days and bad days, but I expect that.  Just because someone else thinks I am having a “bad day” doesn’t mean that I experience it that way.  I don’t really know what it is like to live with someone who is Bipolar.  I only know what they say and how they seem to react.

InsaneLong before I was diagnosed, a roommate said to me, “living with you is like walking on eggshells”.  That kind of made me mad – and my response was something like “Well at least I wash my clothes”.  This had nothing to do with anything – except that she didn’t wash her clothes.

My husband once said, “Living with you is like waking up with a rabid animal.”  My thought was, “Then don’t talk to me when I wake up”.  In either case, I still believe that I wasn’t doing anything particularly wrong – unpleasant for them maybe – but normal for me.
There are some things that you can do to help yourself deal with a household member that is Bipolar.  Know these hints will not solve the problem, but they may make things better.

•    Don’t say things like, “I am not putting up with this Bipolar shit!”  First you will make them angrier than they already are. Second, you obviously are putting up with it, and they may feel compelled to remind you that you both live there, which will make you angry.
•    Do keep an eye on whether they are taking their medicationNormal and MiserableIf you can check on it in a prominent manner – do so, but likely you will have to sneak around them.  You can’t easily force them to take their meds, and subtle reminders will probably create an explosion. But you have to decide if the explosion is worth it – or just be prepared in case it is not.
•    Educate yourself so that you can see what “the disease” is, and what the person is.  Know that the disease is also a significant part of a person. Also, know that a lot of what you like about them is because they are bipolar.  While Bipolar Disorder makes things difficult, it also makes things interesting.
•    If you can watch for disruptions, try to be there to compensate.  Meaning; make sure children and other responsibilities are taken care of.  It does not mean that you must do all the work but remember you aren’t necessarily doing it for “them” but for the others that depend on them.
•    Try not to be angry at them for being who they are.  Again, part of what makes them interesting is the disorder and for a lot of use – we like who we are most of the time.  If you don’t like us, then leave.
•    Lastly, and most importantly – if you can, be there to pick up the pieces when it breaks – because with most of us, it usually will.

Whether it is a spouse, child, a sibling or roommate, you will have to make a decision.  If you can put up with the mental disorder, that’s great.  You can help them, but you can’t change them.  They can’t change being Bipolar, and criticism never helps.

Melissa

Living With Someone Who’s Living With Bipolar Disorder:

Living with someone who is living with bipolar disorderA Practical Guide for Family, Friends, and Coworkers is an essential resource for anyone who has a close relationship with a person who has Bipolar disorder.
This book provides a much-needed resource for family and friends of the more than 5 million American adults suffering from bipolar disorder. From psychotic behavior that requires medication to milder mood swings with disturbing ups and down, this book offers a warm and often humorous user-friend guide for coping with bipolar loved ones, colleagues, and friends.

The book includes Guidance for identifying bipolar disorder symptoms and how to get the diagnosis confirmed Strategies for dealing with rants, attacks, blame, depression, mania and other behaviors. The book includes crucial information on medication and its effectiveness, potential side-effects and techniques for dealing with attempts to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol.

How many people with bipolar disorders can care for themselves, get help, feel supported and go on with their own lives? This important book contains real-life illustrative examples and a wealth of helpful strategies and coping mechanisms that can be put into action immediately.

Understanding Mental Illness and Diagnosis

Many people are confused by mental illness and many will claim that they simply do not exist.

Mental Illness - Sad TeenagerThey mean that such conditions are caused by the persons experiencing it. However, every day there are counselors who are diagnosing people as having a mental illness conditions. The disease is difficult to determine because of this, whether or not a diagnosis is correct. Also because of this, there are many controversies surrounding these conditions.

Mental health is essential for everyday life. Most people are fit to go through life without glitches in their mental activity, but others seem to have constant interruptions. It`s these interruptions that show us that there is something going wrong in the brain of these individuals and that there is an existing problem.

To understand interruptions that occur in the brain we need to look at different diagnoses and symptoms. We could use bipolar depression for this example. Bipolarity is one of the most common disorders diagnosed in today`s society. In fact, you probably know someone with bipolar depression you just don`t know that they have it. Bipolar disorder is extremely common, but many people do not fully understand the condition.

Bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Meaning; the brain is denied of vital nutrients that it needs to maintain a stable mindset. Since lots of people are diagnosed bipolar, they do not have their whole life experiences taken into consideration; this can be an enormous problem for them.

We all experience stress, trauma and excitement in our lives. However, not everybody deals with these stressors the same way as somebody else would do. No one should be expected to cope with such stressors the same way as everybody else would do. There is a process that takes place that brings on the condition of bipolar depression.

The first thing we must consider is that all have some “triggers” in life. That triggers might be traumatic events that occur in one’s life. Now, everybody deals with these differently.

Some people will react negatively, and others ignore. Those individuals who ignore these issues are generally not hearing the messages in between. This is how we can separate a mentally ill mind from a so called “normal” way of thinking.

The mentally ill mind tends to consume everything in life that is said. They get it all, and they fell all of that process in their heads until this begins to cause confusion. The “normal” mind tends to listen only to what it wants to listen to, and they do not have these conflicting thoughts to cause the mental confusion.

To better understand this process, it helps also to understand cognitive mental health disorders and how these are related to the confusion that occurs in the mind.