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Abandonment and Borderline Personality Disorder

Physically and emotional sides of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Well, kids.  It happened.  I pushed too hard, wanted too much, and was too needy.  And now the woman that I love more than anyone I’ve ever met, the woman who still wanted to be my friend, has vowed to never speak to me again… for my own good.

Physically and emotional ides about Borderline Personality DisorderHer therapist said that even continuing to speak with me was “cruel,” as I was still trying to get our relationship back and “would never stop.”  And her therapist was right.  And I’m still not stopping, but neither am I speaking.  I’m giving her the space I should have given her almost two months ago.

As of this writing, it’s been five days since I’ve had any communication with “Justine.”  My therapist said it would benefit me to “become fascinated” with the feeling and really analyze it.  That way, I’m not just passively feeling things, but getting my brain involved, too.  So here goes.

Physically, not talking to her feels like:

1.  An itch that is unscratchable.  An itch on the inside of my skin.  Mostly in my arms and chest.

2.  A python wrapped around my chest and slowly squeezing the breath from me.  Taking deep breaths results in my lungs “shuddering.”

3.  My guts are trying to digest themselves.  Everything inside of me squishes and sloshes like I’m nothing more than a thin plastic coating around a cold liquid.

4.  An icepick buried into my heart.  Not metaphorically speaking, but literally.  During the worst of it, I feel like I’ve been stabbed about eleven times.  The only thing that’s missing is the mess.

5.  Partial paralysis.  My hands and feet are so heavy I have to drag them wherever I go.

6.  Chugging about a dozen energy drinks.  I shake.  I twitch.  And I most certainly can’t sleep.

Now let’s examine the emotional side of things.  Emotionally, not talking to her feels like:

1.  Living death—I breathe.  I eat (a little). I wake up in the morning.  But why?  What’s the point of it all?

2.  Happiness is gone forever—I’ve had some good moments these last few days.  For example, I just got the coolest new apartment ever in the coolest town ever.  The first person I want to tell is Justine.  But I can’t tell Justine.  So there goes that happiness.  Also, I just got my script back from the director.  With a little polish from me, it’s going to five different producers, and I mean BIG producers, so my little movie that was originally written to be shot for around fifty thousand MIGHT get a budget between 10 and 20 million.  Guess who I want to tell about that?  Guess who I can’t.  So again… what’s the point of it all?  Money really CAN’T buy happiness.

3.  No matter how bad it is, it will continue to get worse—once I’m back in the day to day grind without all of these amazing things happening, I won’t even get my little bursts of happiness.  So again… what’s the damned point?

And that’s where I am now, oh my brothers and sisters in arms.  Now that she’s gone, what is the point?

The point is that time heals all wounds.  Today was a little better than yesterday, which was a little better than the day before, which was infinitely better than last Wednesday when I said my final goodbye to her.

But I have to wonder if it is indeed final.  Is it REALLY forever, or just forever for now?

I believe I suffer from a much worse disease than Borderline Personality Disorder, my friends.  I suffer from one of the worst diseases of them all.

I suffer from Hope.

Your brother in arms,


Read more from Bruce Anderson here: How I Became the Freak in the Corner

(A page that tells his story from the beginning and has links to several of his articles – Starting with bipolarity and ending with borderline personality disorder)

Abandonment and Borderline Personality Disorder: How it Feels

Taking Teenage Depression Seriously

Dealing with Teenage Depression

serious young girlDepression is widespread. International studies have flagged it as one of the most devastating diseases on the face of the planet. Although no one is immune to the ravages of depression, certain demographics are more likely to suffer from the illness than others. Such a vulnerable group is the teenaged population. Statistics illustrate that incidences of depression are disproportionately common among young people and too often are accompanied by serious consequences.

Teenage depression is too often (and too easily) dismissed in many cases as being nothing more than an emotional “growing pain.” It is true that the changing nature of the body`s hormonal makeup, combined with encountering new dimensions and responsibilities in one`s life can induce some depressive symptoms in teenagers who are, in reality, perfectly healthy. However, that is not always the case, and any potential case of teenage depression must be taken extremely seriously.

Not every child who is in a down mood has a bona fide case of teenage depression, of course. The demands and social pressures placed upon teens can cause down moods in perfectly normal children. Children who experience these down periods for more than a few weeks at a time, or display other common symptoms of depression should be carefully evaluated in case a mere physical mental health problem does occur.

Changes in appetite, alterations in sleep habits, increased anxiety or irritability can be a host of other potential warning flags. If one is demonstrating sadness or despair, it might be a sign of teenage depression and must be checked. One should also check for other readily available diagnostic aids and lists of depressive symptoms for further guidance.

The consequences of overlooking the disorder are essential. Initially, the condition does deny individuals of a potentially high quality of life during a crucial developmental stage. Additionally, younger people have not yet necessarily developed the kinds of coping mechanisms and wider perspectives adults can use when dealing with depression. This lack of coping tools is one reason why teenage depression tends to result in a greater propensity for suicide than does its adult counterpart.

Kids will be kids, and part of being a growing kid is moodiness. Sometimes, that moodiness will manifest itself as a simple case of the “blues.” Fortunately, even more severe situations of this nature often tend to pass in a few weeks as the situations spurring them fade into memory. However, when the episodes seem even slightly emotional or last longer than two weeks, a serious case of teenage depression may be present.

If there is any possibility that your teenager is depressed, consult with a medical professional as soon as possible. The potential consequences of this mental health problem are sufficiently severe to justify and heightened level of concern and a willingness to err on the side of caution. It might be nothing, but it might be teenage depression.

A helpful recourse? Helping Your Depressed Teenager: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers

Helping Your Depressed Teenager


“The authors have produced a very readable, extremely well informed and comprehensive book that will add greatly to the knowledge base of interested parents. This book is strongly recommended.” –Stewart Gable, MD Chairman, Department of Psychiatry The Children’s Hospital, Denver, Colorado You supported and encouraged them as they grew from toddlers to teens.

Now you are confronted with one of the toughest challenges you and they will ever face – teenage depression.

Adolescence is a period of peaks and valleys. Most teens negotiate these years with relative ease; yet for some these times are treacherous with countless pitfalls. When depression ensues, it can interfere with much of your child’s potential. Clinical depression is now epidemic among American teens, and teen suicide can be a deadly consequence. Helping Your Depressed Teenager is a practical guide offering family solutions to a family problem. This book will sensitize you to the hidden struggles of adolescents and assist you in understanding their multifaceted problems.

The authors are experts in this field and have helped countless youngsters confront and overcome their depressed mood. In a highly readable and gentle manner, they help you see behind the “masks” of troubled teens who attempt to hide their true feelings. They help you distinguish the subtle and sometimes not so subtle signs that something is seriously wrong. And they help you provide the loving support and assistance teenagers need to make it through this difficult life passage. Some of the useful information provided:
* What families can do to prevent teen depression
* How to tell the difference between moodiness and depression
* How to read the warning signs of a troubled teenager
* How to know when professional help is needed and where to find it
* How to choose the right treatment options for your teen

What Causes Bipolar Disorder?

Causes of Bipolar disorder

It appears to be an interplay of genetic and physiological factors, coupled with stressful triggers, that causes Bipolar disorder…

Causes Bopolar Disorder

So, what causes bipolar disorder? Manic depression, also called bipolar disorder, causes severe mood swings that can last for weeks or even months. Everyone feels happy or sad sometimes. For someone with manic depression, however, these mood swings are much more intense. Scientists have not identified a single factor what causes bipolar disorder. Instead, it may have one or more of several different causes. These may be broken down into genetic, environmental and physiological causes.

There are three types of manic depression.

Bipolar Type I is characterized by at least one manic episode. A manic episode is a feeling of intense elation, restlessness and loss of inhibitions and over-activity. Sufferers during a manic episode may sleep for only three or four hours a night if at all.

Bipolar Type II, where there may be frequent episodes of depression with only mild manic episodes (called hypomania). Rapid cycling involves four or more mood swings over the period of a year.

Finally, there is Cyclothymia, where the mood swings last longer but they are less severe.

Genes is considered to be a contributing factor.

If one of your relatives has manic depression, there is a reasonable chance that you will develop it, too. Chromosome numbers 6 and 8 appear to have been implicated. Children of bipolar parents have an eight percent chance of developing the condition, compared with one percent in the general population.

A chemical imbalance in the brain may cause the disorder.

Nerve signals travel from one neuron to another by way of chemicals called neurotransmitters. These include norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin. It is possible that excess levels of norepinephrine may cause a manic episode.

During a depressive episode, levels of this neurotransmitter may be excessively low. The picture, however, is not that simple, as there are other neurotransmitters involved.

Mood swings can also be triggered by stress. Abuse; either physical, emotional or sexual, may trigger an episode. Bereavement or the breakdown of a close relationship may also be a trigger.

Not all stressful triggers are negative experiences.

What causes Bipolar DisorderA positive change, such as a marriage or a birth can also make a contribution. Once diagnosed, the condition can be treated or controlled, although certain risk factors may trigger a recurrence. Failure to comply with medication carries a high risk of recurrence, as do alcohol or drug abuse. Other risk factors include poor support systems. For example, the lack of caring friends or relatives or an erratic lifestyle.

Manic depression can lead to psycho-social disturbances.

For example, Bipolar Type I and Bipolar Type II are associated with a high absentee rate at work. There is also a higher rate of suicide attempts and hospital admissions with these conditions. While both conditions have high rates of attempted suicides, Type II sufferers seem to have fewer hospital admissions than Type I, and consequently miss fewer days at work.

So, what causes bipolar disorder?

It appears to be an interplay of genetic and physiological factors, coupled with stressful triggers.
Complying with medication, adopting a stable lifestyle, and developing healthy coping strategies, may all keep the condition under control.

It is essential to consult a medical professional and not attempt self diagnosis.