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Bipolar Disorder and Risky Behavior

One of the most attractive facets of the “symptoms” of Bipolar Disorder is “risky behavior”

Even though this symptom irritates me, it is true. Actually, most of the medically described symptoms of the disorder irritate me.

Probably the reason this symptom bothers me is that like many others, I forget or wish to deny my own risky behavior.  I personally have wanted to think that I am, above all, that – and that my activities were justified which my therapist would say is oppositional behavior and really another symptom of Bipolar Disorder.

Not wishing to go into the specifics of risks that I have taken, I will say that upon honest examination, they have been many.  Because of Bipolar Disorder, I feel compelled justify them.  As a Bipolar, I could go on and write in circles about why I did what I did but really coming back to the same conclusion.  Technically, they have been justified, because I was ill.

Dangerious BehaviorExamples of risky behavior include things such as promiscuity, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, gambling, excessive spending, infidelity, putting yourself in physical danger and others.  The obvious examples of this are celebrities who get into legal trouble because of risks they have taken – such as shoplifting, public exposure, public drunkenness, and drunk driving.  There is no logical reason for a celebrity to steal or shoplift as the things they steal “necessities” and that they can clearly afford to purchase.  There is also no reason for a celebrity to drive repeatedly drunk as they can usually afford a driver, and there is hardly ever a reason for public exposure.

Do I feel guilty for any of the risks I have taken?  Really, I don’t.  Were they against my moral values?  Really, they weren’t.  I certainly have regrets but no guilt.  I regret doing those things because of the trouble I caused and sometimes because they were things that others could judge me for.  Still today, even though I am well stabilized on medication, I am not sure they were against my morals.  Intellectually, I know that some of them were considered “wrong” or possibly illegal but that is the judgment of others, and my judgment system is different.

Guilt is defined as knowing that you did something wrong.  Shame is a judgment that others impose upon you to try and make you feel guilty.

Recently I read that bipolar patients wish to avoid feeling, choosing instead to think.  I agree with that (and I feel compelled to justify my agreement) by also adding that I also think that this is because people with Bipolar Disorder also feel too much.

Fortunately, today I am stabilized on medication and usually don’t exhibit risky behavior.  I haven’t had an episode in a few years – since the last time I quit taking my medication.

Melissa Lind

Mental Disorders Failure to Take Medications Consistently

Don’t skip your meds – even if you are sick!

It is cold and flu season in the Northern part of the world, and though that isn’t the only time people get sick, it brings up an issue common in Bipolar disorder and other mental disorders.

Medication - Mental DisordersOne of the biggest problems in maintaining a level mood state or semblance of “normalcy” in people with mental disorders is the failure to take medications consistently.  In a lot of instances, mentally ill persons will stop taking the medication on purpose because they are “better” and “don’t need it”.

As mentioned many times before – this is, usually, done in secret. Without consultation with professionals, friends or family members who do not find out until someone with a mental disorder has gone “off-track” and had an “episode”.

But, another cause of medication non-adherence is forgetfulness. Forgetfulness wouldn’t seem to be a big deal as many medications are “forgotten” one day and resumed the next – blood pressure medicine, birth control pills, and antibiotics etc. All with each of their own ramifications.  In the case of the forgotten anti-depressant, anti-manic agent, anti-psychotic, a different set of events comes into play.

Mentally ill people may “forget” the first day but by the second day, the thoughts of “I am OK” start to intrude.  This may lead back to the first case of non-adherence where the patient then decides to quit purposefully taking their medication – obviously without telling anyone.

Mental MindWith your illness, you may not feel like getting up.  You may not feel like eating.  You may not feel like taking your medicine – but you should.  You must.  Even when your mental illness seems secondary to a physical illness, the medicine that keeps you functioning on a semi-even level is vital.  Allowing yourself to skip, even one day can ultimately cause a “relapse”.

If you skip today because you don’t feel good, you may skip tomorrow.  If you skip today and tomorrow, because you didn’t feel good, you will probably hear the voice that always says, “I am doing OK,” because you are OK – for today.  A week or two, maybe a month or two – you won’t be OK.  You haven’t been in the past and likely you won’t in the future.

No matter why you skip your meds – don’t.

There are legitimate medical reasons not to quit without supervision – such as drug withdrawal and increases in seizure potential which are real, unpleasant, and possibly dangerous. But the biggest reason is the same as it has always been.  Eventually, it will lead you back down the path, and you won’t know until you are already out of balance.

One of the biggest challenges for a bipolar or schizophrenic (or many other) patient is to ignore the impulse to give in to “See, I’m OK and I don’t need this”.  In your rational mind, you know that you do.  You may resent it, but you know.

You may have to remind yourself of how far you have come – and remind yourself that this wasn’t the first time that you had to dig yourself out of a mess.

Remember how it was, how awful it was, and how hard it will be the next time to recover.

Melissa Lind

The medicine that keeps you functioning is vital – even if mental disorders seems secondary to physical illness!