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Traumas as Social Interactions and Self Love

Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited

Read “Traumas as Social Interactions” by Dr. Sam Vaknin, l (accessed August 12, 2015)

We react to serious mishaps, life altering setbacks, disasters, abuse, and death by going through the phases of grieving. Traumas are the complex outcomes of psychodynamic and biochemical processes. But the particulars of traumas depend heavily on the interaction between the victim and his social milieu.

It would seem that while the victim progresses from denial to helplessness, rage, depression and thence to acceptance of the traumatizing events – society demonstrates a diametrically opposed progression. This incompatibility, this mismatch of psychological phases is what leads to the formation and crystallization of trauma.

Self Love

Victim Phase I – DENIAL

The magnitude of such unfortunate events is often so overwhelming, their nature so alien, and their message so menacing – that denial sets in as a defense mechanism aimed at self-preservation. The victim denies that the event occurred, that he or she is being abused, that a loved one passed away.

Society Phase I – ACCEPTANCE, MOVING ON

The victim’s nearest (“Society”) – his colleagues, his employees, his clients, even his spouse, children, and friends – rarely experience the events with the same shattering intensity. They are likely to accept the bad news and move on. Even at their most considerate and emphatic, they are likely to lose patience with the victim’s state of mind. They tend to ignore the victim or chastise him, to mock, or to deride his feelings or behavior, to collude to repress the painful memories, or to trivialize them.

Summary Phase I

The mismatch between the victim’s reactive patterns and emotional needs and society’s matter-of-fact attitude hinders growth and healing.
The victim requires society’s help in avoiding a head-on confrontation with a reality he cannot digest. Instead, the society serves as a constant and mentally destabilizing reminder of the root of the victim’s unbearable agony (the Job syndrome).

Victim phase II – HELPLESSNESS

Denial gradually gives way to a sense of all-pervasive and humiliating failure, often accompanied by debilitating fatigue and
mental disintegration. These are among the classic symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
These are the bitter results of the internalization and integration of the harsh realization that there is nothing one can do to alter the outcomes of a natural, or man-made, catastrophe. The horror in confronting one’s finiteness, meaninglessness, eligibility, and powerlessness – is overpowering.

Society Phase II – DEPRESSION

The more the members of society come to grips with the magnitude of the loss, or evil, or threat represented by the grief inducing events – the sadder they become. Depression is often little more than suppressed or self-directed anger. The anger, in this case, is belatedly caused by an identified or diffuse source of threat, or of evil, or loss. It is a higher level variant of the “fight or flight” reaction, tempered by the rational understanding that the “source” is often too abstract to tackle directly.

Summary Phase II

Thus, when the victim is most in need, terrified by his helplessness and adrift – society is immersed in depression and unable to provide a holding and supporting environment.
Growth and healing are again retarded by social interaction.
The victim’s innate sense of annulment is enhanced by the self-addressed anger (=depression) of those around him.

PHASE III

Both the victim and society react with RAGE to their predicaments. In an effort to Narcissistically reassert himself, the victim develops a grandiose sense of anger directed at paranoidly selected, unreal, diffuse, and abstract targets (=frustration sources).
By expressing aggression, the victim re-acquires mastery of the world and himself.

Members of society use rage to re-direct the cause of their depression (which is, as we said, self-directed anger) and to channel it safely. To ensure that this expressed aggression alleviates their depression – real targets must are selected and real punishments meted out. In this respect, “social rage” differs from the victim. The former is intended to sublimate aggression and channel it in a socially acceptable manner – the latter to reassert narcissistic self-love as an antidote to an all-devouring sense of helplessness.

In other words, society, by itself, being in a state of rage, positively enforces the narcissistic rage reactions of the grieving victim. This, in the long run, is counter-productive, inhibits personal growth, and prevents healing. It
also erodes the reality test of the victim and encourages self-delusions, paranoid ideation, and ideas of reference.

Victim Phase IV – DEPRESSION

As the consequences of narcissistic rage – both social and personal – grow more unacceptable, depression sets in. The victim internalizes his aggressive impulses. Self-directed anger is safer but is the cause of great sadness and even suicidal ideation. The victim’s depression is a way of conforming to social norms. It is also instrumental in ridding the victim of the unhealthy
residues of narcissistic regression. It is when the victim acknowledges the malignancy of his rage (and its anti-social nature) that he adopts a depressive stance.

Society Phase IV – HELPLESSNESS

People around the victim (“society”) also emerge from their phase of rage transformed. As they realize the futility of their anger,
they feel more and more helpless and devoid of options. They grasp their limitations and the irrelevance of their good intentions. They accept the inevitability of loss and evil and Kafkaesque agree to live under an ominous cloud of arbitrary judgment, meted out by impersonal powers.

Summary Phase IV

Again, the members of society are unable to help the victim to emerge from a self-destructive phase. His depression is enhanced by their apparent helplessness. Their introversion and inefficacy induce in the victim a feeling of nightmarish isolation and alienation. Healing and growth are once again retarded or even inhibited.

Victim Phase V – ACCEPTANCE AND MOVING ON

Depression – if pathologically protracted and in conjunction with other mental health problems – sometimes leads to suicide. But more often, it allows the victim to process mentally hurtful and potentially harmful material and paves the way to acceptance. Depression is a laboratory of the psyche. Withdrawal from social pressures enables the direct transformation of anger into other emotions, some of them otherwise socially unacceptable. The honest encounter between the victim and his (possible) death often becomes a cathartic and self-empowering inner dynamic. The victim emerges ready to move on.

Society Phase V – DENIAL

Society, on the other hand, having exhausted its reactive arsenal – resorts to denial. As memories fade and as the victim recovers and abandons his obsessive-compulsive dwelling on his pain – society feels morally justified to forget and forgive. This mood of historical revisionism, of moral leniency, of effusive forgiveness, of re-interpretation, and of a refusal to remember in detail – leads to a repression and denial of the painful events in society.

Summary Phase V

This final mismatch between the victim’s emotional needs and society’s reactions is less damaging to the victim. He is now more
resilient, stronger, more flexible, and more willing to forgive and forget. Society’s denial is really a denial of the victim. But, having
ridden himself of more primitive narcissistic defenses – the victim can do without society’s acceptance, approval, or look. Having endured the purgatory of grieving, he has now re-acquired his self, independent of society’s acknowledgment.

Mental Health Professionals and Suicide

Suicide – Threat of Liability for Mental Health Professionals

Suicide is the third most common cause of death for young adults – and the ninth highest for the general adult population.  This means that a large percentage of mental health professionals will have a patient that commits suicide. It may be as high as 80 percent of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and other therapists, that eventually have a patient who commits suicide.

Serious Mental Health ProfessionalYou might think that professionals are insulated against emotions that come with the death of a friend or acquaintance – but they aren’t.  Many health professionals report that even when death is expected (natural causes), they spend a great deal of time going over their treatment of the patient. They try to find out if they could have done anything different, (given another treatment) in order to help.

But, what may be surprising is the number of liability lawsuits filed against mental health professionals, when a patient commits suicide.  In fact, it is the number-one cause of responsibility lawsuits brought against mental health providers.
The threat of lawsuits, and also the stigma against people working it in the mental-health profession, has led to many psychiatrists refusals to treat the chronically suicidal. The profession sees it as a failure of the doctorMental health professionals are also less likely to see additional suicidal patients after they have had a patient succeed at suicide.

When a therapist or physician is unable, or unwilling, to treat a suicidal patient – it leaves the patient in the lurch.  It produces feelings of failure and hopelessness, without a doubt, compounding the fact that they are suicidal.  It may also be difficult for an extremely suicidal patient to find a new therapist or doctor.  Many patients report that the mental health professionals suddenly “don’t have time”.

We don’t think much about the way suicide will affect those around us – and certainly the professionals are way down the list of people whose feelings are important.

Mental health professionals also report that there is a lack of training on how to deal with suicidal patients, and processing the death of a patient.  More than half of professionals surveyed also Knocking on Heavens Doorstated that they really don’t believe they can prevent a patient from committing suicide.

Oddly, the complaint process against physicians has been shown to increase the risk of the physician becoming depressed. One of the consequences of this will be a worsening of the situation for mentally ill people. (Chronically suicidal patients)

This is a complicated process with no easy answers, but you should know that it is likely that all psychiatrists, therapists, social workers and other counselors probably need to be in counseling themselves.  When you find a new doctor or therapist – you might want to ask.

Even if you aren’t suicidal, you need to know that your counselor is as mentally healthy as possible, certainly healthier than you.

Melissa Lind

Mental Health Professionals Report a Lack of Training on How to Deal With Suicidal Patients

Psychiatric Disorders and Geniuses

A lot of people like to think of themselves as geniuses.  Probably even more people with psychiatric disorders like to think of themselves as geniuses.

MichelangoWho can blame us – with examples such as Albert Einstein, Edgar Allen Poe, Beethoven, Michaelangelo, Charles Dickens, Ernest Hemingway, Winston Churchill, Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton… just to name a few.

As all of these stellar personalities are now deceased and most died before the advent of modern psychiatry, we can only surmise their disturbance – their genius however is clear.

Aristoteles, a Greek philosopher, once said, “There is no genius without having a touch of madness.”

Today, most who are diagnosed with a mental disorder– be it bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, or even major depression, would be classified in previous times as “mad”.

A recent article in Psychiatric Times, by an actual physician – Nicholas Pediaditakis – attempts to link the occurrence of major mental disorders and geniusFreud called the difference in “temperament” of genius from that of “normal” people – “narcissistic neurosis”.

The basic theory as proposed by the author of the article says that people with certain mental disordersbipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and OCD in particular – ‘tend to “think” the world rather than “feel” it.’  He goes on to say that many are dysphoric and tend towards feeling a void and aloneness within themselves which can often lead to substance abuse and suicide – all too true.  His conclusion is that these illnesses cause an absence of adherence to social norms, not because you want to, but because you have to – but that it frees up parts of the brain for creative processes.

In addition, many artists, actors, comedians, writers acknowledge that much of their creativity comes from painpsychic pain not physical pain that is often experienced by those with mental disorders. This doesn’t seem to translate to genius in science, math, or other concrete areas, but the idea of a mind that has free space to concentrate on specialty areas does fit.

While I, personally, find offense in part of his statement (the part about wanting to think rather than feel) – I also find it true.  I, and those I know, would rather “think” rather than “feel”, but often we feel too much and cannot stop.

Aside from my bristling at the implication that mental illness is a choice – I find it amusing that science may be able to prove that there is a “mad genius” in me – someday.

Melissa Lind

A genius with a psychiatric disorder.

Knowledge Conquer the Shame of Mental Disorder

People Do Not Understand Mental Illness

Article as text, and with Video for blind and partially sighted people (Text-to-Speech Video article)


Suicide is not a weak or cowardly person that takes the lightweight solution. Suicide is a result of a disease called depression. With increased knowledge, understanding, with an increased understanding the shame disappears.

Bipolarity - Catherine Zeta-JonesCatherine Zeta-Jones has got a place in our hearts. Now that she has stood out as a bipolar, we love her only more. She is not only a great artist, but a woman with courage, rant, empathy and honesty. She is a role model for all girls who grow up in the day, and a daughter-in-law all mothers want.

But what about the ordinary man or lady in the street that does not have any film career behind him or her, that is not a familiar face among the population?

To expect a person that we have never heard of, or meant something about, should open and stand naked in front of a whole country and tell about his (or her) inner hell, is a lot to claim. But it is needed to break down the taboo by having it painful.

The constant negativity is not something a depressed person has decided to have, but the result of the disorder depression.

And when it`s downward spiral no end will take, suicide thoughts come.
Suicide is not a selfish act!

Not Like in the Movies

People with cancer can also have good times, even though the physical pain is present. I think some program for people with a
mental disorder would have the same effect. It would scare away all horror stories about the psychiatric department is a “mad house” and that people with furthering psychosis are crazy.

It is no secret that people who have never experienced or seen mentally ill people at close range only refer to what they have seen the movie or even imagined. All based on the little knowledge they have about what a mental disorder is.

And just this little knowledge people who do not have experienced mental illness is sitting inside with, is crucial to do something about. With increased knowledge comes understanding. And with understanding it will be easier to deal with the shame for the mentally ill, and openness will appear.

A Taboos’ Disease

The question is how to reach out with this knowledge.

A solution could be to have designated subjects in high school that was mandatory for all Mental Disorder Taboostudents where they taught young people about what a mental disorder is. Inform about why it occurs, how to help people who suffer and how one can help themselves and seek help if they should be hit by a mental disorder.

A depression is not a bad day. A depression is not whining over a couple of weeks.
Depression is a disease in the head. A disease in the same line as cancer and other diseases that are not equally taboo’s.
If one is in a state of depression, one loses oneself? It can feel as if life is completely meaningless. One can’t get out of bed. Curtains are pulled down. Darkness – a depressive person wants the darkness.

SSRIs – Not a Pill of “Happiness”

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs)

The balance in the brain is gone, and it is here the anti-depressive pills come into the picture – a means to restore balance in the brain. But it is not a “pill of happiness“.

Pills don`t make you happy automatically. Antidepressant does only half the job. The psychologist can do something, your friends and family also, but the rest is up to the depressed him or herself.

The depressed must have determination of another world and a false belief that everything is going to be OK. For the depressed it never feels like anything it’s ever going to be OK again. The depressed will get a different view of the world than before, and the pain feels like unbearable.

We Must Try to Understand Mental Disorder!

Mental Health and Grief

Grief and Mental Health – When the Two Merge

Grief is something that we all experience at one time, or another.  The stages of grief – sometimes explained as 3, 5 or 7 different stages – are pretty well known and include shock, denial, anger, sadness, acceptance in some order.  Most people will struggle but eventually come to some resolution with no prediction as to how long that will take.

Resolution of deep sorrow can be made much more difficult when a pre-existing mental illness is imposed.  A severe loss can trigger a relapse of virtually any mental illness, even when the illness was well treated, and the patient was stable.  Patients may relapse into severe depression, bipolar episodes, panic attacks or a return of obsessive compulsive behavior.  If the patient was not well stabilized, the whole apple-cart can be upset.

Depressed and Suicidal GirlEven the most mentally healthy person can become unstable if unable to resolve the feelings caused by painGrief has been known to result in clinical depression, lasting for a long period which can lead to extreme difficulties and even death in the case of suicide.  The problem comes in a case where one becomes “stuck” at a certain point – usually during the agitation period.

There is a saying;   “depression is anger turned inward.”  The existence of anger over an extended period can cause depression.

Anger allows us to have a heightened response to a threatening situation.  Anger fuels energy, giving us a false sense of power, but over time, the brain and the body run out of that same energy.  This can result in fatigue, emotional lability, and symptoms of depression.  In some cases, depression caused by grief may be resolved with grief counseling.

In other cases, however, depression may have become severe enough that medication may be warranted.  Clinical depression is characterized by:

•    Fatigue and decreased energy
•    Cloudy thinking
•    Feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness
•    Insomnia or excessive sleeping
•    Irritability
•    Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
•    Body pain or digestive problems
•    Persistent sad or empty feelings
•    Thoughts of suicide

How different is this from grief – not much.  The only difference would be in how long it lasts.  Depression carries a high risk of suicide and if symptoms last longer than what would be considered “normal” – for any reason – you should seek treatmentMental Health ChaosDepression that is severe enough to interfere with normal activities for longer than four to six weeks should be treated – even if life circumstances explained it.  Counseling may work – or you may need medication for a short period.

If you have some known mental disorder, stay in contact with your mental health professional.  Most – and I did not say “all”, but most mental health patients find it difficult to self-assess, some find it difficult to be openly honest.  The only way to ensure that an episode of grief is resolved without severe consequences of going “off track” is to allow someone else to help assess your mental state.

Whether you are or are not a mental health patient, know that grief can cause mental illness and can worsen an existing illness – even if only for a short time.  It is not something to be dismissed or ignored as the risks are high.

Melissa Lind

Depression is Anger Turned Inward

Mental Disorder and Hope

The Whacko is BACK!

By Bruce Anderson (The Freak in the Corner)

Bipolar Whacko Says HelloHey there, you.  How ya been?  You’re looking a little rough, but you know what?  You’re still here.  And that’s a start.  And it could be the start of something wonderful.  You may not believe it now, but have I lied to you yet?  Well… not intentionally.

There was that first bit about Bipolar Disorder which turned out to not be true in my case.  I had been misdiagnosed.  If you have Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), chances are your doctor went through about half a dozen diagnoses before he finally arrived at the one you’re stuck with now.  It’s very easy to misdiagnose.  What isn’t easy is living with it.  But guess what?  YOU CAN.  And in most cases, with treatment and a conscious effort to change negative patterns, YOU DO get better.

Just like me!

Oh, come now.  Don’t go all crazy congratulating me.  Crazy is MY job, remember?
But seriously, if you work hard, listen to your doctor and your support network of friends, you too can be awesome again.

Boy, I tell ya… it was darkest before the dawn, though.  Remember how “Justine” had left me and I was still hopelessly in love, but at least I had the Hollywood deal working?  Well… in a fit of pique, I told the director exactly what I thought of the changes he was making to my script.  He didn’t like my choice of words much.  So the deal is a bust.  My movie may never be made, but I’m cool with that.  The movie he wanted to make wasn’t the movie I wanted to make.  And I’m OK with that.  And since I renewed the WGA registration, no one can take and make my movie without me.

But man, that sucked.  And I fell apart.  And drove Justine crazy some more.  And I continued to drive her crazy for several more months.  She had sworn to stop talking to me, remember?  But I’m sure you also remember I can be very manipulative.  I’m VERY good at it, but it’s nothing I’m proud of.

Anyway, rock bottom happened.  I got a beautiful luxury apartment on the fifth floor and all I saw from the window for a long time was the parking lot and how inviting the jump was.  But I didn’t jump.  I got back to work.

Mental WhackoAnd even though I was still all messed up over Justine, I put on a happy face and went to work, because the kids needed me.  And that started to feel good.  And then it started to feel GREAT.  And I still wanted to tell Justine all about it, and that would set me back, but then I’d move forward again. And at the end of the school year, not only was I happy, but the happiness spread.  I was everyone’s favorite teacher.

And though I “lost” my kids, many of them have come back to see me… and tell me again that I’m STILL their favorite teacher.  And that, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.

But alas, the worst has come to pass.  I must now move from my beautiful apartment, which is located in a center of art and culture and is honestly the only place I’ve ever felt was truly home.  And this scares me.

I just gotta keep telling myself it’s for the best.

Because it is.  My girlfriend bought a farm and we’re moving in.

And no… it’s not Justine.  She never took me back, and I’m very glad of that.

Remember how I once said that I have a tendency to romanticize my romantic partners? Well, after a good long time, I took off the rose-colored glasses and began to see things as they really were.  I’m not going to go into details about it.  That would just be rude.  But I finally realized that not only was she not “The One,” she really wasn’t even that good to me.  Is she a bad person?  No.  Does she know how to treat a boyfriend?  Also, a resounding NO.

But I found someone who does.  And she’s got her issues, too.  And we occasionally fight, but we are like-minded enough to get along on most issues, and on the things we don’t see eye to eye one, we respect each other’s opinions, because we respect EACH OTHER.  And this time, it actually goes both ways.

BPD-Whacko Horse FarmerIs it scary to be jumping into a relationship again? Yes, but I’m not exactly jumping.  We’ve been seeing each other for about a year now.  We’ve taken the time to get to know each other.  And importantly, we’ve both been honest about our issues.  Yes.  I told her I have a personality disorder.  And she’s OK with that, but doesn’t put up with my bullshit, which is something that makes me love her even more.

And we COMPROMISE.  She’s moving to my town, because I have a job that makes me happy like no other before it and she doesn’t want me to give it up.  But I gotta give up the city life, and I don’t want to.  But I will.  Because she’s a farm girl, and I’ve learned to appreciate “farmy” stuff.  Horses are cool.  Like REALLY cool, and I would’ve never known that if I hadn’t stepped outside of my comfort zone.

So, your faithful whacko is going to learn to do “farmy” things.  I can already put up fence posts.  Next thing you know, she’ll have me milking the chickens and stuff.

And you thought I had gone all serious on you.

Well, I am a bit more serious now.  Or more to the point, I don’t feel the NEED to be funny.  The funniest people are often the saddest.  Because they can’t feel joy themselves, they spread it in others, if only just to see it so they remember it exists.

Poor Robin Williams is proof of that.  May he rest in peace!

If only he had known that you DON’T have to die to get it.  You just have to make a few changes, face your demons, take your doctor’s advice seriously, maintain your support network, stay busy, and maybe milk a few chickens.

You’re gonna make it, amigos.  I am.  And if this freak can manage it, so can you.

Until next we meet… KEEP FIGHTING!

Bruce