It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar
Hello again, boys and girls! I’m back, and I’ve got some news. Take a look at the title of this article again and I’ll give you three guesses.
That’s right. It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar. Oh, don’t worry. I’m still as crazy as I always was, and it’s the same kind of crazy, but different.
What do I mean by that? Well, I still play on the old mood swing set – back and forth, back and forth – but it turns out that it’s not due to brain chemistry. It’s just who I am.
You want something to be depressed about? Well, there you go. Being told that my issues aren’t something that a couple of little pills each day can “fix,” being told that recovery is going to be a long, hard, and lonely road… well, that’s a much harder pill to swallow.
Thinking back, I can see why it was so easy to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder. I had the high highs and the low lows, but here’s the major difference: when I have a mood swing, there is ALWAYS a reason. I’m never just sitting around, happy as a clam, then BOOM! Here comes the despair. It was always some event, or some lack of event, that set the old swing in motion.
If you’re bipolar, circumstances don’t always change the mood, though the mood can certainly change the circumstances. Not for me.
Always a reason. Sometimes, a legitimate one, but not always. Sometimes, I make the reason. If you’re Bipolar, the mood swings just happen.
That’s not the case with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Eww… just the sound of it is bad. Personality disorder. The words slip from the tongue like a big, fat slug. It’s not chemistry. It’s who I am. There’s not a problem with my brain, but a problem with me as a person. Talk about depressing.
But when you get right down to it, it’s all still faulty wiring. It’s just that my wiring wasn’t messed up by God, it was messed up by other people. It wasn’t messed up at birth, but shortly thereafter.
Well… the jury is still out on what causes Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
There may be a genetic component, but most likely, it’s caused by some childhood trauma. And trust me, I’ve got plenty. We’ll talk about that next time.
Your brother in arms,
Read more from Bruce Anderson here: How I Became the Freak in the Corner
(A page that tells his story from the beginning and has links to several of his articles)
More about BPD here: “Borderline Videos”