You Mean I’m NOT Bipolar?

It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar

Hello again, boys and girls!  I’m back, and I’ve got some news.  Take a look at the title of this article again and I’ll give you three guesses.

That’s right.  It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar.  Oh, don’t worry.  I’m still as crazy as I always was, and it’s the same kind of crazy, but different.
What do I mean by that?  Well, I still play on the old mood swing set – back and forth, back and forth – but it turns out that it’s not due to brain chemistry.  It’s just who I am.

Borderline Personality Disorder - Eternal ConflictYou want something to be depressed about?  Well, there you go.  Being told that my issues aren’t something that a couple of little pills each day can “fix,” being told that recovery is going to be a long, hard, and lonely road… well, that’s a much harder pill to swallow.

Thinking back, I can see why it was so easy to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder.  I had the high highs and the low lows, but here’s the major difference: when I have a mood swing, there is ALWAYS a reason.  I’m never just sitting around, happy as a clam, then BOOM!  Here comes the despair.  It was always some event, or some lack of event, that set the old swing in motion.

If you’re bipolar, circumstances don’t always change the mood, though the mood can certainly change the circumstances.  Not for me.
Always a reason.  Sometimes, a legitimate one, but not always.  Sometimes, I make the reason.  If you’re Bipolar, the mood swings just happen.

That’s not the case with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Eww… just the sound of it is bad.  Personality disorder.  The words slip from the tongue like a big, fat slug.  It’s not chemistry.  It’s who I am.  There’s not a problem with my brain, but a problem with me as a person.  Talk about depressing.

But when you get right down to it, it’s all still faulty wiring.  It’s just that my wiring wasn’t messed up by God, it was messed up by other people.  It wasn’t messed up at birth, but shortly thereafter.

Well… the jury is still out on what causes Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
There may be a genetic component, but most likely, it’s caused by some childhood trauma.  And trust me, I’ve got plenty. We’ll talk about that next time.

Your brother in arms,

Bruce

Read more from Bruce Anderson here: How I Became the Freak in the Corner

(A page that tells his story from the beginning and has links to several of his articles)

More about BPD here: Borderline Videos”


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4 thoughts on “You Mean I’m NOT Bipolar?

  1. […] “Bipolar” on the “news” tab and see what you find.  It is astounding how many semi-celebrities have […]

  2. […] It turns out that I’m NOT bipolar – I have Borderline Personality Disorder […]

  3. You should change the name of your blog and the tagline to include your new diagnosis of BPD.

    • Thanks for your advice Joyce! I have been thinking about just that lately. I write about more than “Bipolarity, Depression & Anxiety”. I write (will write) about everything related to mental health, but to change the URL can`t be done in the nearest future. The name and tagline – I think it`s a good idea. Thanks for caring and sharing! When it comes to your words; “include YOUR new diagnosis” – It is not MY diagnosis – not my articles. Those articles are written by a friend of mine who is writing under a “pen-name”. I started this blog when I discovered that my son was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I wanted/want to learn as much as I possibly can about his problems. That includes depression and social anxiety to. Along the way I came in contact with people through Facebook, (https://www.facebook.com/DealingWithBipolarDisorderDepressionAndAnxiety) Google Plus and LinkedIn who had all kinds of mental health diagnoses. One of them was diagnosed Bipolar, GAD, BPD, Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) etc.
      – Kurt Pedersen

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